I think if one more person says anything to me about suicide being a selfish crime, I am going to start shrieking like a banshee and never, ever stop. Not understanding something as personal as suicide or judging someone who hurts enough to commit suicide, then opening up your maw about it, is the selfish crime.
Sure, there are those out there who do not give a thought to anyone other than themselves and do not love anyone other than themselves, who commit suicide and so in those rare instances it is done selfishly. However, for most people who even contemplate suicide, let alone actually attempt it, they are thinking of everyone, including themselves when the decision is made.
For all those who I just lost, let me explain it to you this way. When you are suicidal, you are at such a low point emotionally and spiritually that you feel as though your existence is causing those around you pain. The suicidal person thinks that they are harming those they love by making them watch day in and day out how much pain their loved one is in and not be able to help. So, the decision is made not only to stop the suicidal person from hurting, but to stop them from hurting those they love. In a way, it is the least selfish thing that the suffering person can think of doing.
I am not naïve enough to belief that no one has ever said, “I will kill myself just to hurt so and such!” For most people this is nowhere close to what is going through their head. It is more akin to, “I won’t be hurting so and such once I am gone.” Which is why many suicidal people will not kill themselves at home or they will attempt to clean up the mess, or they choose a method that will leave minimal mess.
Mainly suicide is attempted or completed while the person is beyond anything resembling rational thought. The pain they are in robs them of the ability to think in a way that is outside of the moment they are in. They feel as though there are no other options. The counselling did not work, the meds did not help, the praying went unanswered, escaping into sleep stopped being an option because their racing minds no longer allow it and someone who they love is usually griping at them about how they are acting. All of this builds into a crescendo of unceasing agony and the only way they see of stopping it, is to escape into death. Believe it or not, where they will spend, eternity isn’t going through their minds or if it is, Hell seems better than where they are and they feel like the Devil is an old friend by this point.
I would not be at all surprised if successful suicides that are on their third or fourth attempt, don’t find themselves on the other side, amazed that they finally got it right and their dead. This might be why you so often hear ghost stories where the ghost tragically committed suicide. The ghost is in disbelief that the pain really is over, so they are waiting around for the punch line that seems to come with every major event in their lives. They might be waiting around for someone to jump out and say, “Just goshing! You are alive and a vegetable!”
So, before you say aloud where anyone who may have once been or are currently suicidal can hear you. Stop, shut your mouth, and think. Yes, someone may already be gone by suicide but your careless words might just be the last straw to someone who is still here, still helpable, still fighting. You may be the trigger that starts them racing down that last track in the race to escape their pain. Because if you are already feeling like your are a bad person because you just cannot pull it together and you have had a day that was miserable and someone who you admired very much just died by suicide and you can barely handle the look of pity or panic in your loved ones eyes and… Someone telling you that what you see as your only way out makes you a selfish person on top of everything else, might be enough for you to toss your hands up in the air and yourself off a cliff.
Tanya R. Simon
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